Six months out

Well, I got through Logan's six month anniversary of his death date and I actually did pretty well on that day(a couple days after was a completely different story). I did wake up at 3AM and had a really sad moment.  My friend's daughter died exactly one year ago on Logan's six month death date which I find interesting. So she came to my mind also.  I just got really sad thinking about the babies and what they were doing at that moment.  I luckily had my grief support group later that morning.  I met one of my best girlfriends for lunch and then went to an allergy appointment that lasted almost three hours of poking needles in my back and arms.  But, seriously what is physical pain?  Even if they stuck me with 100 needles it's nothing compared to watching my son die.  I don't understand why on the dates that I expect to be a mess I'm not and regular days with no significant meaning, I am a complete mess.  I really want to figure this out.  It doesn't make sense to me but the more I learn about grief I understand that it comes in waves and those waves come at random times.  I think sometimes it is the anxiety buildup of the significant date.  The worries and the pressure from myself about what to do on that date and the emotional crash, it's exhausting.  I need you all to realize one thing about grief, it does not go away, and we don't forget about it.  Just because I am not a crying mess everyday doesn't mean that I don't need you to check up on me.  I am human and I hurt everyday for my loss.  I'm humbled enough to know that Logan had a bigger purpose in life and death, but that still doesn't take away from the sharp pains I feel in my heart.  I am grieving healthy and progressively healing, but I ask that you not forget about me or Logan, this is a tough road to drive.